


The Death of Harley Quinn

by orphan_account



Series: Laughing Anti-Matter [3]
Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Gotham City Sirens (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Joker fandom
Genre: Abuse, Bad Romance - Freeform, Harley and Jason could exchange tales, Harley should work for Batman, Joker has feelings for Harley but he can't or won't express them, Joker hurts or kills the ones he loves, unless someone beats him to it.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-10 16:38:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12303198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: This an expansion of the story Joker tells of Harley Quinn dying in the alternate universe story Monster of Madness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: 
> 
> This is a side story that's part of a long, and maybe complicated, piece of fan fiction starring Terry McGinnis AKA Batman Beyond and--the Joker of all people. Basically, Harley of whatever Earth this story takes place on gets brutally killed by Owlman (Evil Batman), and a now slightly saner (or less sane if he's super sane) Joker decides that's the last straw; he's going to stop being a criminal for her, at least for a while. 
> 
> In this fan fiction, the death of this Harley Quinn does not affect the main universe Harley Quinn whom we may meet later in the tale.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: 
> 
> Harley Quinn and Joker both suffer from some sort of weird psychosis where they hear voices advising them on what to do.
> 
> There are references to domestic violence and abuse, as the comics make it pretty clear that Joker abuses Harley. 
> 
> More Information: 
> 
> My take on the Joker is that he is a bad guy, but he's also got his own problems and his own past. I try not to gloss over what this character has done in comics, but I do at times try to use his supposed mental illness as justification. I obviously do not condone, support, or wish to promote any adverse or deviant behavior. Society's crazy enough. Enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> This whole story is a fan work. I do not own these characters or universes. They are the property of Warner Brothers and DC Comics.

Harley Quinn looked at a picture of Joker that she kept in her bedroom. She sighed.

She had moved on years ago. It didn't matter that they were stuck in another dimension and that the Gotham she was facing was different than where she grew up.

"...you said you loved me!" Harley shouted to the picture.

In anger, she threw the picture across the room and the glass shattered.

"...what a rotten liar you are, Joker!" Harley screamed.

"Harley..." she heard a voice say.

"What do you want?" Harley asked.

"...I do love you...in my own way...what did you expect, kiddo? I kill people quite regularly; don't you think it was a courtesy that I left you alive? For that matter, don't you think it was a courtesy that I tried to kill you?"

"No. You should have shown me respect, offered to marry me, made me an equal; I was blind," Harley said.

"...and foolish..."

"...besides, you can't fool me; you ain't Mr. J, you're just some dumb old voice in my head."

"I'm not just any old voice, my dear. I'm one of the strongest, Harley. I'm the madness you tasted when I fried away all of those unpleasant memories...and replaced them with laughter...I'm that little sliver of false hope the Joker implanted into your brain that made you follow him like a devoted little puppy..."

Harley continued looking at the picture.

"...this wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to remain tied to him regardless of what happened. That's what I programmed you to do."

"Mr. J himself told me to leave, leave and never come back. Now should I listen to him or some dumb old voice?"

"Trust me; he isn't who he's supposed to be right now. Something changed after that stupid batman died."

"Whatever...you know what? I don't want to hear his voice or yours! All you Jokers ever said to me was that I wasn't worth as much; I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't pretty enough...no matter what I did, it was NEVER enough. I gave my whole life to Mr. J and it wasn't enough...well, you know what, clown? I'm through..."

"...you aren't allowed to think things like that..."

"Well I'm thinkin' it! I'll find some new voices to listen to..."

"...like the lunatic you are...didn't Joker at least teach you anything? You're nothing without him!"

"Shut up!"

"Puddin loved you, Harley," another voice said.

"Yeah, right..."

"It would have been different if you wouldn't have messed up..." the voice continued.

"Harley, you should go back and ask me to forgive you; you know I always do."

"Joker puts up with a lot from you, Harley."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I hate him! As far as I'm concerned, he's the lowest life form on Earth." Harley yelled.

"...you don't hate your Puddin; you would give your life for him."

"I'll kill him for what he did to me!" Harley screamed.

"Harley, you would kill the person you dedicated your life to curing?"

"I've dragged myself into the pit of insanity for you, and did you do anything to help me after I got stuck there?"

"...I must admit...it was fun watching you go Looney Tunes trying to figure out my problems...ha ha..."

Harley sat on her bed and looked at the broken glass on the floor.

"...and the funny thing is...all I would need to do is twist those emotional ties just a little--a kiss here a pet name there---and you would come running back to me like I'm something you can't live without...even though I'm actually the death of you! Oh, I've trained you well; you might just be my greatest joke yet!"

"...well, the joke's on you, cause I'm not coming back, not this time..."

"After you got pregnant with my love child? Oh, Harley, come on. Admit it, I'm irresistible to you. I'm like an addictive little poison. Speaking of poison, what did you ever do with that little tyke?"

"She's in a safe place, and if I have anything to do with it, she'll never know the monster who helped conceive her!"

"...oh Harley, you're giving yourself too much credit..."

"I'm talking about you, you pasty-faced creep!"

"Temper...temper...you know you'll always have to put up with me, even if it is just in the form of painful memories...and my dear, I was sure to make them very painful... ha ha ha...you'll find you have a hard time functioning without me!"

"I was gone a whole year...you didn't even notice..."

"I'm not going to keep arguing with you, pet. The brain damage is done...I could spit in your face and it wouldn't change the way you feel about me..."

Harley was now bristling with anger. Her attention turned to a Joker plushie she had.

"...I bet you are upset at how you've been gypped by the greatest criminal mastermind ever, moi. I mean, I posed as your lover, took away your life as a successful doctor, and then I slowly chipped away at your worth as a human being! If that wasn't enough, I tried to kill you! How could you STILL love such a monster? You do, though, still, don't you, Harls?"

Harley reached out into the air and started strangling the plushie--the imaginary Joker who was taunting her.

"Ack...ack...stop it. Stop it! Harley, don't just stand there, help me!"

"...right away, Mr. J!" Harley's other voice yelled.

"See? That's who you're supposed to be, my faithful sidekick...my loyal little hench wench..."

"I will not degrade myself for you one more day, jerk!"

Just then, the door burst open.

"Harley, who are you talking to?" Poison Ivy asked.

Suddenly a vine reached up and grabbed the Joker plushie out of her hands.

"Hey!"

"Harley, you're going to have to get over him! It's been three years; I thought we were making progress. What did you even see in that crazy clown anyway?"

"I don't know, Red," Harley said with a sigh, "I guess I was lookin' at everything he could be...not what he was."

"Hopefully you realize by now that you would have an easier time regrowing the South American rain forest than changing him."

Harley nodded her head and let out another sigh. 

"Can I have my plushie back, Red?" 

"I heard you talking to yourself. Thinking about the Joker makes you crazy; you need to keep distancing yourself." 

"I don't see him anymore, and I don't miss him as much as I used to...what a rotten lousy thing to do, you know? Puddin...I'm going to stop calling him that one of these days...decided to drag me all the way to this alternate dimension following this owl guy. We finally kill Batman, and I think we can celebrate, and he's the nastiest I've ever seen 'em. There's no way ta make him happy!" 

"He was just using you, Harley." 

"I know, Red. That's all our relationship has ever been...manipulation, lies...pain..." Harley started crying again. 

Poison Ivy put her arms around her and kissed her on the cheek. 

"I made you some dinner." 

"Thanks Red, but I'm not really feeling that hungry. For one thing, I would really like to go back home. This dimension is nice and all, but if I really want to forget about Joker, I need to go somewhere he won't be." 

"We might be able to work on getting home one of these days. I can't believe I let you talk me into coming here. Everything in this Gotham is so lush and green; this is very different than where we come from, Harley. You can breathe the air without breathing smog...in Gotham of all places!"

"I'm glad you're enjoying it, Red. The only thing I can think about is Mr. J and that scary owl guy..."

Harley trailed off as she saw a giant carnivorous plant rising out of the ground in front of her. It smiled at Harley as Ivy went over to pet it. 

For some reason, Harley let her mouth hang open. 

"Neither one of those clowns are really scary with me around Harley; just stick with me."

Ivy hugged Harley again and gave her another kiss.

"Thanks, Red."

"Don't mention it, Harley."

Harley started laughing.

"Remember when we put that poison oak syrup in Joker's underwear?"

Ivy started laughing...

"Oh, how could I forget? According to you, he acted like SUCH a baby."

"Harley! What's wrong? Get me a doctor. I...I'm itching all over...and I've got little red spots...it's small pox isn't it? I'm dying, Harley." Harley mocked.

"Oh stop it!" Ivy said through roars of laughter.

The two embraced each other and then walked arm-in-arm to the kitchen. 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Joker looked at a picture of himself as he lay on his bed. The place was a mess; it could use a woman's touch.

"Harley!" Joker called.

Joker looked around and then remembered.

"Oh...that's right..."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Joker started scrolling through old photos of crimes and capers and stopped on a picture of Harley in her doctor's uniform. She would always send these to him with little messages, like, "remember when..." Joker thought she was an absolutely lovely girl, but he would never tell her that.

"Arkham...how did she ever wind up in my life in the first place?" Joker asked as he flipped through a collection of pictures of Dr. Harleen Quinzel. He continued flipping until he got to the good parts.

After several months of conditioning, Harley was one-hundred percent on his side, and this time she was going to prove it. Joker flipped through the pictures of Harley in that ridiculous get-up that he made her wear every day--the jester suit with the bells, mask, and clown makeup. Joker stared at one of the pictures. He thought he saw it moving.

"Puddin?"

"Yes? Harley?"

"Nah, it's just some old unimportant voice in your head."

"Oh, well in that case, go away..."

"I can't believe you, after all I've done for you!"

"I'm not listening to this, kid, if you want to play someone's conscience, go somewhere else!"

"You never appreciated me," the voice pouted.

Joker closed his phone and set it down.

"...never appreciated me, regardless of what I do for you!" 

"Well, kiddo, what did you expect?" 

"...she should be happy you didn't kill her!" Joker heard a voice that sounded oddly like his own, growl. 

"You're nothing but a monster!" 

"I won't argue with that..." 

"Don't you feel sorry for what you did to me?" 

"...you're talking to someone who routinely kills people and causes billions of dollars worth of damage FOR FUN!" Joker shouted. 

"Hee hee hee your own henchmen can't close their eyes in peace without the threat of a deadly surprise; what makes her think she's so special?"

"Indeed." Joker said.

"...but I am special; you said you loved me..."

"Oh, sweetheart, wise up, he lied..." Joker heard the voice coo.

Joker took one of Harley's T-shirts and held it to his chest.

"It's been three years, Puddin, and you haven't even gone looking for me."

"Leave him alone; he's fine without some girl messing up his plans."

 "Would you shut up?" Joker asked the air. 

"Make me," the Joker voice taunted. 

Joker stared at the ceiling trying to block out all of the noise. Suddenly, his phone rang. 

It was the owl. 

"Hello?"

"J, it's Bruce. I have a job for you tonight at the docks. Meet me alone." 

"...and while we're at it, why are you letting this miserable excuse for a bird of prey push you around? I think it's time you developed a taste for owl and reclaimed your rightful place in the Gotham food chain!"

"Would you shut up?" Joker yelled into the phone.

"What was that, J?" Bruce asked.

"Oh, I wasn't talking to you, Owlsie."

"Better not be...anyway...I'll see you tonight...or else..."

Joker hung up the phone and let out a sigh.

"I'll see you tonight or else..." Joker grumbled, "what kind of a threat is 'or else' anyway? It's like something you say when you lack imagination." 

"Oh, you know you could kill that guy in one fell swoop if you wanted to."

"I dunno about that, Puddin, you remember that weird healing factor his talons have..."

"Oh, don't remind me..."

"Harley and J, could the two of you please be quiet long enough for me to think?" Joker asked his voices. 

"Sure thing, boss."

Joker shook his head and reached for the bottle of pills he stole from an FDA discard pile at a chemical waste dump.

Nothing worked on him, usually. Anti-psychotics usually had these weird side effects, like making him too tired or delusional to effectively function. Lately, though, he had started hearing voices, and his voices had gotten stronger, more demanding, and harder to ignore. He was a genius, so he could usually ignore them well enough to function and pick out bits of fantasy from reality. He wondered, though, what was causing it. 

Dreaming while awake was how he described the feeling. It didn't quite feel like reality, and lately some of it wasn't real at all. He wasn't always sure that the people he killed were real people. He distinguished the hallucinations by their familiarity. If they were still around day to day, month to month, year to year, they were probably real. If they changed or were inconsistent, they weren't. Oddly, he never hallucinated when Batman--Bruce Wayne--was still alive. Something about that caped crusader in a jet black cape kept him grounded and focused. Now, though, he had to deal with not only not feeling like any of it was real but also having to carefully decide what was real and what wasn't...and, unfortunately for him, a lot had happened that didn't make sense logically. 

He was in another dimension. Bruce Wayne as Batman was dead, but he was alive and well as Owlman. Joker hated Owlman; he killed Batman. 

Then, there was Harley. Joker hated the way he treated her, but he felt like he had nothing else to give her. He didn't want her to stay with him, not since he started working for the owl. This man was ruthless, more ruthless than even the Joker himself. He wanted to keep her out of harm's way. She didn't understand that. He didn't understand it, either. His ideas of 'keeping her out of harm's way' were inconsistent; he tried to kill her on some occasions, maybe just to convince himself she was real.

No. That wasn't it. Joker wasn't really sure why he tried to kill her himself; he regretted it and was pretty sure she would never forgive him.

She didn't need to be around him now, anyway.

_It wasn't safe for her. It was never safe for her. She was a little fool for trying to follow me. She's had a million opportunities to die--I gave some of them to her just to prove a point! You can't live a stable life in a world of instability. Two mental health cases can't do anything productive for one another. We would just push one another deeper and deeper into that glorious abyss._

Of course, the Joker was never one to desire stability. He loved his insanity and embraced it. In the beginning, though, it did just feel like an overly sharp mind, an over acuteness of the senses, as one famous poet put it. The degeneration, the hopelessness of not even being able to think logically; that was a recent development.

Joker hated this shift in his mental health. It meant he wasn't as sharp as he used to be. He was still diabolically clever and probably able to outsmart any foe by sheer unpredictability, all except for one...

the owl

Joker looked again at the pills in his hand.

That's what the pills were for, but he couldn't stand them, those stupid side effects...the hallucinations...the lethargy...the mental fog. He noticed if no one else did.  

The worst part had to be the guilt, though. When he took the pills, he could feel remorse, pain, empathy. Committing murder was almost off-limits when he was on his medicine because it made him feel so bad. He wanted to be off of them so he could laugh when killing Owlman, but he needed to be grounded enough to come up with a plan.

Something wasn't right. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he'd been poisoned. He still had Owlman's invincibility pills, too. 

_Maybe the crystals are causing my mental breakdown? If that's it, though, I can't do anything about it, because I have to be prepared if I'm going to give myself a fighting chance._

_"..._ and I bet you forgot all about me" Joker heard a voice pout. 

He took a handful of pills into his mouth and chased them with a bottle of ginger ale. 

Joker thought about what he did to Harley and hated himself for it, but he knew things would never change between him and her. He had her around for _that,_ as horrible as it sounded. Joker sometimes wondered about his own cruelty. He couldn't tell anyone what he was thinking when he did all of those horrible things to her. It usually didn't bother him the way it was now. It was _just a joke_ , because he wasn't hurting, but today it all felt much too real. He couldn't help but feel it and be haunted by it. 

Part of him wanted to apologize to her, but he knew she would never accept it. The best apology would be dealing with Owlman and then disappearing. He needed to be out of her life...for good.  

_She doesn't need me anymore. She doesn't need to start thinking that this is healthy, although I didn't really mean to hurt her._

_"_ Ha! Face it, you don't care who gets hurt. You would probably kill your own mother if she got in your way," Joker heard a voice say. 

_Of course, I sometimes see death and pain as a delightful gift._

Joker used the shirt to wipe away a few tears.

_Poor girl; she's never had a normal life. She's as messed up as I was, if not more. Maybe that was the attraction? I knew she wasn't just another fan, too innocent, too sweet, too naive, yet oddly resilient, sweet, familiar._

"Hello! Romeo! You're the Joker, not some lovesick puppy! Romance, love, doesn't have a part in the equation." Joker heard his own voice shout.

Joker scowled at nothing in particular.

_I know. It makes me look weak. She's so stupid. She doesn't understand the underworld. If they think you have anything or anyone valuable, they'll use it as leverage against you when they get the opportunity. If she finds out I love her, other people will find out, too, and rather than hiding that emotion, doesn't it make more sense to just not have it toward her at all? I'm not in love with you, Harl, I'm using you! Oh, weren't you easy...and satisfying to use, too. That way, if I lose you, no harm done. The others marvel at my cruelty and consider me a jerk, but it really does make sense, doesn't it?_

"You know, if you aren't going to get over her, you should probably kill her yourself." 

"No. Not this time. I'm going to just try to pretend that she doesn't exist." 

Joker let out another sigh. 

"I'm not really an abuser, either. Harley should know; she's a psychiatrist for Pete's sake! I'm not jealous or overly protective. I'm not the one going through the phone and looking at all of her messages. I couldn't care less who she sleeps with or what she does when she's not around me. She left me, and I let her go. I didn't threaten her or go after her. I simply pretended I didn't care. If I were a real abuser, I would have put a knife to her throat or threatened her with a gun for leaving...I would have been jealous of her and her other friends..." 

Joker shuddered. 

"People like that...don't deserve to live. I did my one good deed for the century when I knocked off that creep she was with before she met me. Now, he fit the profile of an abuser, not me." 

"Not an abuser? Ha! Don't make laugh!" Harley's voice said in a cold sarcastic tone. 

Joker rolled his eyes. 

"Of course...I _did_ try to kill her...but, hey, it's _me_ , that's like a trademark. You expect that to happen when you work for me, especially if I'm in a bad mood."

"...and you also threatened my life when I didn't give you what you wanted, crept into my place of work and used me for your own gains, kept tabs on me like a stalker...I could go on." 

_Harl, your 'place of work' was Task Force X--the freaking Suicide Squad. Can I at least get points for creativity?_

"...okay, so maybe I did go a little overboard." 

"I can't believe you are feeling sorry; she's your property, J!" 

"My  _property_? She's a human being."

"Sometimes, you are a big idiot, clown." 

"If I am, then what does that make you? You're a figment of  _my_ imagination, after all." 

"I give up." 

"Fine, go back to wherever you came from you tasteless delusion." 

_Let's face it. I wasn't just pretending to be a jerk; I was a jerk...and I'm still a jerk...more than a jerk, a monster..._

"...but she was in the way..." 

"...you are impossible!" Harley Quinn's voice yelled. 

"Go away!" Joker shouted. 

 

 

 

  

 


	3. Chapter 3

The phone rang loudly. Joker woke up and looked at the clock.

_I've overslept? Highly unusual for me..._

Joker picked up the phone. 

"Joker, where are you? I needed you twenty minutes ago!" Bruce growled. 

"Coming, Bruce." Joker growled. 

Joker got in his car and started speeding toward the docks. When he arrived, the owl was waiting. 

"The show started half an hour ago!" Bruce yelled. 

"...so sue me..." 

Without warning, a projectile traveling as fast as a bullet shot out and grazed Joker's coat with razor sharp blades. 

"Hey!" 

"I missed on purpose; be late next time, and you won't be so lucky," Bruce warned.

Joker rolled his eyes.

_Who does this guy think he is? Batman?_

"What's the plan?" Joker growled

Joker hated asking other people that.

 "I need you to dye your hair and then go into that comedy club and put on a little show..." Bruce's voice grew dark. 

"Not doing it...green's my color." 

Bruce smiled and pulled out what looked like a toy ray gun. 

"What on Earth is that supposed to be?" Joker asked. 

"Do it, or I'll beam you to the surface of the sun." Bruce said flatly. 

_He can do that?_

Joker made a hard gulp and then proceeded to put the bleach and the dark purple hair dye on his pretty brownish green hair.

This wasn't making him smile. This was the first time in years someone actually forced him to do something he hated.

_As soon as I figure out how to get out of this, Bruce Wayne and his alter ego Owlman are going to pay, dearly._

_"_ Now, take the crowbar. Inside, you'll find one of my talon rejects, Jason Todd...he's been working with a gang of superheroes." 

Joker's eyes grew wide as he listened to Owlman explain the task. 

_Bruce...actually wants me to beat up and kill Jason? Well, this is certainly new and unexpected._

Joker smiled, but he suddenly felt a knot in his stomach. 

"He's...just a child, though, Bruce." 

"What of it? That didn't stop you with Batman's Robin." 

"That was different..." 

"How?" 

_You aren't Batman; that's how. I would have beaten Bruce with the crowbar had he given me the idea he wanted that to happen to his Robin. You aren't on his level, you rotten little pretender. Calm down; you'll be rid of him soon enough._

Joker flashed a smile. 

"Not important." 

Joker chuckled. 

"I never knew _this_ was a skill I needed on my resume," Joker said as he stroked the crowbar and rubbed his hair.

"I'll be very close," Bruce said flatly. 

_Yeah, I bet you will, you and that stupid ray gun that can beam me to outer space. Oh well, what choice do I have? I might as well find the boy. Hopefully this is just a trick._

Joker made his way to the No Laughing Matter comedy club.

 _What a stupid name for a comedy club._ Joker thought. 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Harley was confused at the name of the club. 

"The No Laughing Matter comedy club? What kind of pun is that?" 

"Don't worry about it, Harley. There's someone here I thought you might be interested in meeting," Ivy said.

Just then, the curtain opened and out stepped an ivory skinned and purple haired marvel. 

Harley looked at him quizzically. 

"You brought me all the way out here to see a Mr. J impersonator?" Harley asked. 

"Oh, that's not who this is, Harley. I thought the two of you might want to get to know each other, since you're having trouble forgetting that toxic clown." 

"Gee, Red, that's awful nice of you, but I really..." 

Just then, the lights dimmed and the show started. 

"Good evening, how are all of you happy people?" 

Harley let out a sound of disgust. 

"Yuck." 

"Oh, Harl, give him a chance." 

Harley leaned on her arms at the table and lazily took a sip of her drink while the comedian started his act. 

The clown let out a laugh and flashed a wicked looking grin. 

"Today is owl appreciation day... and I think you know what that means all you beautiful people..." 

Before he even started telling a single joke, the crowd was in a roar of laughter. 

Harley kept sniffing for Joker venom. 

"Stop that!" Ivy said as she slapped Harley on the shoulder. 

The comedian held up a golden feather.

"I was walking down the street and I found this. Does anyone have an idea who it may belong to?"

The audience started snickering. They knew what was coming next.

"Imagine this. You're out robbing a bank, and you notice the teller laughing at you when you stick your gun in her face. You look down and realize that you're robbing the bank in your underwear, ladies and gents...not only that, but you've left a trail of feathers for the police to find you...I give you Owlman, Gotham's greatest criminal mastermind!"

The crowd roared with laughter. 

While he was saying his lines, he was wiggling his eyebrows, smiling, and making big gestures. The whole performance had the crowd in stitches before he even finished his punch lines.

Just then, a familiar projectile flew past Harley and Ivy's head and cut the cord to one of the speakers. 

"Ha ha!" 

"Ohhh...speak of the devil..." the comedian said as his eyes and smile grew wider. Harley knew that hungry look.

The comedian moved for something in his pocket. Harley thought it was a gun. Out came a throwing star shaped like a spade.

"It looks like someone wants to join the show! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce the source of all of my material."

Owlman threw a punch and missed. 

Before Owlman knew what was happening, the clown-themed comedian threw the spade shaped throwing star and sliced right through part of Owlman's suit, revealing his underwear. 

"Speaking of material, don't look now, but I think you need a good tailor!"

The comedian put his hand over his mouth like he was trying to whisper but said it straight into the microphone.  

The audience laughed in spite of themselves. 

"Shut up, clown!" Owlman yelled as he grabbed his underwear. 

"That's not gonna happen!" the comedian said as he stuck his tongue out at his aggressor and blew a raspberry.

Harley found herself giggling.

"If you don't shut up, I'll do it for you!" Owlman yelled as he took out another owl shaped projectile. 

Harley cringed. It was the menacing Batman voice, but this guy wasn't Batman; he was a criminal, one of the most dangerous ones she had ever encountered. Harley grabbed Ivy's hand. 

"Um, Red, I think we should leave." 

Ivy gently pulled Harley back to her seat. 

"Just stay and watch the show. We'll call attention to ourselves if we try to sneak out now." 

Ivy and Harley watched as the sharp projectile flew straight toward the man's head. At the last minute, he threw a spade shaped throwing star that intercepted it and deflected it. 

Harley let out a relieved sigh, only to gasp again as the man in the owl costume pulled out a gun.

"Red, should we help him?"

"I don't think we should make ourselves part of the show, Harl."

Harley hid her eyes and braced herself. Suddenly, there was a loud POP. 

_Hold on. That wasn't a gun._

"ooh!" the audience said.

Harley felt someone tapping her on the shoulder. It was Ivy smiling and giggling like a child.

She looked back at the stage and let out a loud guffaw.

Owlman was kneeling and clutching his crotch. The comedian was smiling while holding a small toy gun.

"Ah ha...if I were you, I would invest in a sturdier cod piece!"

The audience roared once again.

Owlman slowly got up and stood on his feet. Suddenly, a huge boxing glove hit him in the face and he was knocked out cold.

Everyone was laughing.

The comedian's deadpan was perfect and added to the hilarity of it.    

"um, could someone call the police? This man attempted to assault me...again," the comedian said flatly. 

Harley giggled. 

"Now, that's what I call a show," Ivy said.

 


	5. Repeat Performance

Jokester was still giggling to himself about that impromptu performance with Owlman. 

_To Gotham he's a terrible dictator crime lord thinly veiled as a vigilante; to me, he's a punchline!_

The clown comedian gave a flourish, took a bow, and then left the stage to greet his audience. His gaze fell on Harley and Ivy. 

_Oh? New faces in Gotham tonight? Wait! What's Cala Lily doing at my show?_

Seeing the face of the plant-obsessed crime fighter made the clown comedian just a little nervous.

_She wouldn't just leave her mission at the South American rain forest and show up at one of my shows unannounced. I bet this means there's trouble. Maybe the Crime Syndicate is on the loose again? Who is the clown girl she has with her, though? That's a cute get-up. Is she a fan?_

The clown comedian cautiously approached Harley and Ivy.

"Cally, what's up?"

"Cally?" Harley asked Poison Ivy. 

"Jackie, hi, I wanted you to meet someone." 

The clown comedian stared at Harley and carefully put out his hand. 

Harley looked, scowled, and refused to shake. 

The comedian looked at his hand and realized he had a trick joy buzzer still attached to it. 

"Sorry..." he said sheepishly. 

"Jokester, but my friends call me Jackie, pleased to make your acquaintance." 

"I go by Harley...Harley Quinn..." 

That voice sounded familiar. 

_Harley? Did she just say her name was Harley..Harley Quinn? Harley Quinn is dead!_

Jackie took a step back. There was a look of shock and fear on his face that he was trying desperately to hide. 

_Oh crud, oh crud...the phase oscillator, other dimensions...tonight...really?_

"Nice...to meet you..." the comedian said distantly. His mind was on other more important things, like the threat of someone with an annoying lack of fashion sense and a fetish for birds ripping the fabric of time and space while killing every living thing ever. 

"I loved your show," Harley said. 

Harley chatted away while he eyed Poison Ivy. 

"I need to talk to you," Jackie said to Ivy as he walked back toward the stage. 

Harley continued to talk as Jackie walked away. 

"...and then when I was twelve, I had this clown doll...hey! where'd you go?" Harley asked, as she realized she was talking to dead air. Both Ivy and Jackie were nowhere to be found. 

___________________________________

"Who are you and why did you pose as Cally?" Jokester asked after they got backstage. 

Ivy studied the clown. His whole sunny disposition had melted into a disappointed scowl. 

"The real name's Poison Ivy," Ivy admitted. 

Ivy looked at the clown's eyes and gave a sigh. 

"You are such a nice guy so unlike the one she can't seem to get her mind off of. I thought she might benefit from getting to know you. When you acted like you knew me, I decided to just keep up the act." 

"Ha. In what universe does the harlequin love the clown?" 

"Mine," Ivy replied.

Without warning, Ivy grabbed the clown and gave him a kiss. Jokester looked at her with surprise and smiled.

_Wow...that was certainly unexpected..._

"I'll give you a while to think it over," Ivy said as she left the room. 

The Jokester stood and stumbled. 

_I've heard of a woman being able to make you weak in the knees, but...this is ridiculous. I...suspect I've been poisoned. That...sounds about like my luck. Way to go, Casanova. You're batting a thousand with the ladies tonight!_

Jackie reached into his pocket, pulled out some kind of vial, and promptly drank it. 

_Good thing Cally made a fresh everything antidote before she left. I hate to think what we'd do without her on the team._

_____________________________________

Just then, Jokester heard a circus tune. It was his cell phone.

"Help!" Jackie heard an all-to-familiar child's voice cry.  

"Jason! Is that you?" Jackie asked with alarm. 

"If you want to see your son again, come to the warehouse on Third and Main."

"Bruce, I swear if you hurt my son, I'll..."

Jackie heard the receiver click in his ear.

 _Not only does he have no morals, he also has no manners._ Jackie thought as he started out the door toward the warehouse.

____________________________________

"No, stop!" Jackie heard a blood-curdling scream come from the side alley and rushed to see what was wrong. 

"You dare defend that clown against me?" 

_That no good bully. I thought I already taught him his lesson. I guess not, though._

Jackie rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks. The sight made his mouth hang open a little. 

_I can't believe it; that monster gave me...a repeat performance._

The clown suddenly had a flashback. It was the first time he met the owl. He was getting ready to leave the comedy club for the night; against the advice of the club owner, he had started dating his manager Harleen Quinzel and they were going to go out to dinner after the show; he left her only briefly to go back inside to get his coat. On his way to the alley, he was stopped by what looked like a glistening mythical monster to the naive comedian back then. The gravely voice stopped him in his tracks and made him question if that day would be the last day of his life...

Jackie remembered the terror of being lifted by the man's burly armored gauntlets and having to smell his awful breath. 

_The owl moved swiftly, took out a sharp blade and slashed. I froze and couldn't move. The blade was jammed between my teeth and pressed through the soft flesh of my cheeks on either side. Slice...slice...schliiit..._

_That's the day I got my signature makeover..._

_Frightened out of my wits, I made my way back to my car. Shaking, I put on the seat belt, only to find..._

"Harley!"

_He slit her throat and left her lifeless body in my car. There was even a thank you note attached to it. If that's not sick, nothing is..._

Jackie woke up from his flashback to see the jester costumed Harley's body lying lifeless in a trash heap. There was a deep cut in her neck and blood was all over the place, cut to the jugular most likely.  

_He actually found a way to take her away twice!_

Jokester tried to hide a few small tears. 

_Harley..._

The comedian suddenly heard a crash. 

"Oh no you don't. You aren't getting away, not this time!" Ivy screamed. It was a vengeful, haunting, mournful scream. Jackie watched in shock and fascination as Ivy's vines chased Owlman and strung him up by the legs. The head of one of the carnivorous plants turned to the owl and hissed.

At _least someone seems to know how I feel._  

"Let go!" Owlman shouted. 

The only response from the plant lady was a growl, followed by a tightening of her sentient vines. Her eyes glowed emerald with fury. Sharp piercing thorns grew out of every vine and dripped some sort of venom. 

Jackie only stared in amazement. It was like a scene right out of a really cool sci-fi movie. 

 _She's always so awesome, even when she's not quite herself._ The clown thought. 

Owlman deployed a blade on his suit and sliced through the vines. Then, he shot some kind of projectile at Ivy. Ivy jumped back with a yelp of surprise.

 _No fair, cheater!_  

Ivy was soon on her knees with pain. 

"Ow, what is...?" 

"Weedkiller," Owlman hissed as he walked away. 

_____________________________________

Jackie ran to the scene. 

"Are you okay?" 

"I'll...be...fine..." Ivy said as she winced and struggled to stand up. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a terrible liar. I think you need to see a doctor." 

"No, I'll be okay...I'll..." Ivy trailed off as she struggled to catch her breath. 

Ivy collapsed on herself; the vines and seeds that were living in her skin started turning brown. Jokester didn't know that much about sentient plant people, but he was sure she didn't look so good. 

Jackie pulled out his phone. 

_________________________________

"Hello?" 

 "Cally, we have a situation. It's a code Anti-Matter, but that's besides the point, your double's fading fast. She's been exposed to some kind of poison."

"Jackie? That's...news. Look, Lex and I are trying to finish up here; we're helping the native people find rare plants to cure diseases and teaching them the importance of preserving the rain forests that produce them, but we'll be there as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I don't know if she's exactly like me, but if she is, poison of any kind won't affect her."

"...even the kind meant to kill plants?"

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"We'll be there as soon as possible. Keep her comfortable." 

"Should I call 9-1-1 or something? Doesn't she need to see a doctor?" 

"No, Jackie, if she's like us, doctors won't do any good, sadly." 

Ivy opened her eyes, sat up, and started coughing.

Jackie carefully moved her out of the alley and back into the comedy club. He observed her again. She looked terrible. The leaves and seeds in her flesh were brown and the skin around those parts had also turned brown. 

"Try to rest. I'll be back to check on you soon. I have some other business to attend to."

Ivy coughed again and looked at the clown weakly.

"See? You're nothing like the Joker; Harley would have been in...good...hands..." Ivy trailed off and closed her eyes again.

The clown gave a sigh and headed to the warehouse.

"I'm sorry to leave you, Ivy, but I've got a son to rescue."

"Good luck, Jackie..."

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I just finished reading the second issue of a DC Elseworld comic---and they do a much better job at portraying Harley Quinn than I've seen in a while. The strong doctor who is hopelessly in love with a hopeless case is a great take on the character, and I want to see more of it. I hated how Harley just started to hate Joker in New 52 after she invested so much in him in BTAS. I love how Batman White Knight fixed that issue! Having Mary Andrews stand in for Harley Quinn and Joker, due to his narcissism, not even notice! Harley's always been in Jack's corner, and that's the love story that I think could keep people invested in the Joker / Harley Quinn relationship without sending too many of the wrong messages. 
> 
> I love this comic so far, and it's given me so many great ideas for my fan fiction. Well, really, I'm wondering if there's a reason for me to write fan fiction any more. It seems like the new writers are actually listening to the fans, for once!


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